


Cheers Darlin'

by Lyson



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist
Genre: Brotherhood, Canon - Manga, Children, F/M, Het and Slash, M/M, Post-Canon, Unrequited Love, Wedding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-15
Updated: 2014-08-15
Packaged: 2018-02-13 05:03:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2138004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyson/pseuds/Lyson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cheers darlin'<br/>Here's to you and your lover<br/>...darling<br/>‘…I should have kissed you…’</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cheers Darlin'

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own FMA
> 
> Sub disclaimer: I do not own the lyrics used in the summary and the lyrics and the title name belongs to the song that inspired this, Cheers Darlin' by DAMIEN RICE.
> 
> I listened to that song on repeat while I wrote this. Not sure how successful I was, but the song sure is excellent, I do recommend it if a reader would like to get a feel for the atmosphere intended. Also, I reread this twice but I haven't slept so there may be errors.

* * *

 

Cheers Darlin'

* * *

 

It was an evening wedding.

And a beautiful location for it, a wide open country ranch with a large enclosed building specifically hired out for such events, situated on the farm property at which the wedding was being held. Who knew the East of Amestris even had a place like that? The venue was lined by large oak trees which stretched on for a distance to one side of the large 17 acre property, making it even more picturesque.

The sky out in the countryside was dark, clear and starry, millions of dots sparkling brightly over the wedding venue, along with a crescent moon and the weather was _perfect_ , not a cloud in sight, the breeze was warm and the night air was so fresh.

The ceremony had been held inside the building about an hour earlier, the then to be wed couple had foregone the usual Wedding March music theme, instead they'd had a musician play a piano solo of a song they both loved for the bride to enter after the procession of a flower girl –11 year old Elicia Hughes-, the ring bearer –the grooms three year old nephew-, bridesmaids and groomsmen. It had gone off without a hitch, the guests had been teary eyed and smiling as vows were exchanged and they were declared married by the local Justice of Peace.

And the couple had kissed to resounding applause.

They looked so happy…they probably were. No…they definitely were.

Presently the reception was underway and all of the 150 or so guests were outside under the beautiful stars and the fairy lights that were suspended in long even rows across the venue area, casting soft yellow and white light over the attendees. The grass was so green, so green it almost seemed inorganic…maybe it was, and toward the center of the green, green grass, was an assembled dance floor where the newlyweds and several other people were dancing.

The music noise level was not too loud or too soft, the live band would probably be playing throughout the reception and, yes, they played so well, so smoothly and harmoniously, country and jazz music, mellow and light and occasionally up beat, various instruments all coming together perfectly.

The entire venue was tasteful yet not overly expensive.

Even the flower centerpieces on the tables were lovely, white and blue delphiniums, coloring to match the blue and white themed wedding and the bride's bouquet, which included white roses. Some happy woman would catch it later in hopes of eventually getting married herself…

The reception tables were mostly empty as the guests mingled and danced and photo flashes occasionally blinded an unsuspecting person or two. There was laughter of the merry, joyous kind, the infrequent but noticeable sound of glasses clinking together, hushed conversations…the usual din of a function…droning as background noise.

The newlyweds seemed delighted, and they looked so great together, so _perfect_ , as if they were made to be together. A beautiful bride, wearing a white, slim fitting, sleeveless, silk dress without a train, it had white lace shoulder straps and a décolletage neckline. To break the white there was a sky blue silk sash around her waist with end pieces that trailed down the back of her dress and her heels were blue as well. She wore the length of her hair open with only the top pinned up by a white decorated headpiece of small pearls and flowers, keeping her bangs back from her pretty face and she wore no veil.

One could only think of the obvious reason for that, but one would not want to be presumptuous.

She had and equally attractive and handsome groom. He complimented his bride wonderfully, wearing a black slim fitting suit, coordinated with a sky blue silk waist coat, a crisp white shirt, a sky blue silk tie and black dress shoes.

They looked so good, too good together, dancing close and smiling, talking to one another in tones no one else would or could hear as he held her slim but shapely form against his own lean, undoubtedly firm body, and she arched slightly into him, molding and fitting naturally as she gazed up at him, even in her heels he held a few inches of height over her.

They danced as if they had done it many times, turning slowly together, feet never hindering one another, her hands held aloft, one on his shoulder, one in his larger hand and he held hers, their fingers interwoven while his other hand was settled just a bit lower than the small of her back, an intimate place to touch.

There was a popping sound somewhere off to the left, it brought the sight and sound of the rest of the venue back into focus and it forced Roy to tear his eyes away from the newlyweds.

He looked over to the main table to see that it was the groom's brother who had opened a new bottle of champagne and he was grinning from ear to ear as he got the attention of all the guests and the newlyweds, pouring the bubbly pale yellow liquid into a champagne flute until it was half full and then he set the bottle down on the table and he raised the glass,

"I know you said you didn't want any speeches," he addressed the couple with a thousand watt smile, "but I hope you won't mind a toast at least, I'll keep it short, I promise." The guests all chorused their interest and Roy's eyes drifted back to the newlyweds, both grinning as the groom raised a hand and nodded his head slightly in gesture for his brother to continue.

Silence fell then, everyone wanted to listen to the toast,

"To the two people who are not only my family, but my best friends as well, a toast," he raised the glass higher, "to wish you all the best, even though I already know you'll be ridiculously happy together for the rest of your lives…" he grinned with a smug expression, slipping his free hand into his pocket and glancing around at the all the guests, "…because we **all** saw it coming long before you did."

And Roy smiled along with the chorus of agreement and applause, because it was true.

"...I love you both, Edward and Winry, congratulations." Alphonse finished his short and sweet toast and everyone raised their glasses of whatever they were drinking and cheered, toasting the happy couple.

Roy raised his own champagne flute, the contents of which he hadn't touched since he'd received it, to toast along with everyone else…even if he really didn't want to.

He considered sipping the sweet drink just once when the toast was over but didn't follow through, he placed it back on the table before leaning back in his chair and crossing his legs, feeling tense and uncomfortable in his formal function military uniform, layered, fastened and pinned with all of his regalia, the Fuhrer of Amestris.

He'd travelled all the way out to Risembool for a wedding he'd rather not have attended for personal reasons, but really, how could he decline the invitation to the former Fullmetal Alchemist's wedding, a former subordinate and a friend, even if in the last seven years he'd only seen Edward for short periods of time, not even many times. There had been the occasional visits over the years for overnight or business stops in Central when Ed would be passing through, he'd seen Edward at Alphonse's wedding four years earlier, most recently had been at Roy's induction to Fuhrer just a year ago, and besides that only the occasional letter correspondence or phone call whilst Ed was travelling.

As he watched Edward and Winry talking with some unfamiliar people, probably from Risembool, Roy found himself wondering if Ed would have noticed or cared if he hadn't attended, somehow he doubted it, even if he hoped it would have affected the younger man. He'd have certainly noticed if Edward hadn't attended his ceremony to Fuhrer.

So far though, Ed had only made brief eye contact once or twice with him and smiled…but Roy couldn't be annoyed or put out by that, it was Edward's wedding day, obviously his attention would be rightfully elsewhere. Even if Roy was the Fuhrer and every guest besides his and Ed's mutual acquaintances, ie: Roy's unit staff, the Curtis', Al, Mei Cheng, Gracia Hughes and Pinako Rockbell, had been reverent and amazed to see him there.

Al had come over to him to say hello though, just after the ceremony and said how pleased he was that Roy had been able to make it. Roy had received the invite months ago and had hedged about RSVP'ing until just two weeks before, but honestly, he'd known he was going to attend the wedding the very second he read the words:

 _Winry Rockbell & _ _**Edward Elric** _ _requests the honor of your presence at their_ _**wedding** _ _…_

It had come as a shock. With a dull ache and a deep sense of loss.

Roy had always assumed that if Ed were going to get married it would have happened sooner, not long after he resigned from the military, so when the years had dragged on and nothing of the like had occurred, Roy had figured maybe Edward wasn't the marrying type in the end.

That was probably why Roy had seen no urgency…why he'd never said…never let on…

He'd wonder darkly for the rest of the married couples lives now, whether, if he had **only** …would Edward have ended up getting married…to Winry.

The abrupt clinking of silver wear to glass wear drew a reaction from everyone, all of the guests were now doing the same. Roy had been staring at the bubbles in his warm champagne, lost in his thoughts of when and why and what if, but he looked up to see the newlyweds had gone back to the main table to sit down and the clinking demand for them to kiss sounded cacophonous to Roy after the first few seconds, but only because he had to watch Edward smile charmingly at his blushing, and grinning, bride before he leaned in from where he sat beside her and kissed her.

Once, softly, then again…he lingered before leaning in again and Roy had to look away from the blatant adoration and love displayed on Ed's face as he'd looked at Winry, had been about to kiss her again and again. She was horribly lucky.

Roy swallowed tensely and cast his eyes around the outdoor reception area, Riza was talking with Jean and another person, Breda was flirting with one of Winry's pretty bridesmaids, Kain was engaged in conversation with some of the locals, Falman was sitting with his wife at a different table and Alex was still wearing his shirt, his entire suit in fact.

Roy smirked to himself, amused, and then couldn't help glancing back to the main table. Edward was sitting and talking to Alphonse, both wearing grins and Winry was talking to her maid of honor, a dark skinned girl with dark hair that Roy hadn't learned the name of, but by the angle of the couple's shoulders, it was obvious they were holding hands under the table.

Roy shut his eyes slowly and held them closed for a moment, wishing for a proper drink, wishing for his body guards to leave him be and stop hovering a meter behind him at all times, wishing for it to rain on the perfect wedding…wishing for missed opportunities, times alone with Ed, to come again.

There really had been opportunities over the years, there had been the times they'd gone out for meals or for drinks to catch up whenever Ed was in Central, long before Roy had become Fuhrer and they'd stayed out for hours together, talking and enjoying each other's company. There'd been times in Roy's office when they'd been alone, talking about business, and the one time after when they'd driven out to Central's outskirts to meet an alchemist and had broken down in the rain on the side of the road for a few hours. Then at his Fuhrer induction, he and Ed had been alone, talking idly about politics and food for twenty minutes on the outdoor front balcony of Central Grand Hall.

There had been _many_ opportunities but all Roy could think now was… _I should have…_

In the beginning, on some day, during some get together, because of one of Ed's smiles, without realizing it immediately, Roy had become attracted to a then twenty one year old Edward and not long after that, maybe a year later, he'd realized he had developed serious feelings for the blonde, but he hadn't said anything, hadn't done anything. But he really should have, because he'd still had the free time back then, before he became Fuhrer…but he'd thought Edward wasn't interested in settling down into a relationship…he'd thought he had time…

…he honestly hadn't seen **this** coming, a wedding, a marriage to Winry, and now when it was too late…he was in love…

"Fuhrer Mustang, Sir."

Roy opened his eyes to find Riza smiling at him kindly as she sat down in one of all of the vacant seats at the table he was seated at, right near the front where the main table was, the closer to see the couple from. Sharing kisses and smiles…

"Colonel Hawkeye." He greeted evenly, Riza had arrived in the East before he had since she'd taken time off from her vigil over him to attend the wedding, so she'd already been seated at the ceremony when he'd arrived just in time, they hadn't exchanged much more than a greeting and then a few glances throughout the evening, it was more than he and Ed had at least.

"You look tired, sir," she said quietly, her face was more expressive than usual, "perhaps you should return to your hotel and rest?" she suggested, running her hands over the lap of her dress, she looked stunning in rich purple with her hair open, he thought he should tell her, but the words never came to pass.

His compliment would just be an observed fact, nothing particularly endearing, Riza would know that and would probably respond indifferently. And considering he and Riza had already had their awkward, unsuccessful time of trying to be something more than colleagues a few years ago, around the time he first started to fall for Edward, he didn't feel it would be right to play the charmer with her, she wouldn't appreciate it, she never had.

She'd decided long ago that while Roy was a good man, he was too unemotionally available and she had wondered why, she had asked, after all they'd known each other for so many years, his trust was well earned, but he hadn't answered, hadn't wanted to say, he'd claimed he didn't know and they'd parted amicably.

Unemotionally available? Yes, perhaps that would have been a way to describe his inhibited feelings for Edward.

He was suffering now for it, having fallen in love with someone but having never had the guts to do anything about it, he would be left with the words forever unspoken.

The question of 'what if' would haunt him.

That someone was presently eating a forkful of wedding cake being offered to him by his bride… and then she was using her finger to wipe a bit of icing off his lip, and he caught her hand in his own and tugged her forward gently for a sugary sweet kiss and oh how Edward was smiling, and oh how he licked his lips after kissing her…and then he went to kiss her again, his hand gently settling on her neck to bring her closer.

So perfect. It shouldn't be possible.

Roy looked away.

"Sir?"

He belatedly remembered Riza was sitting with him and looking at him, his mind was so unfocused, on all but Edward,

"I'm fine, thank you Colonel, besides…" he touched his fingers to his champagne flute and idly tapped them along the glass to the sound of the piano keys, "…to leave before the newlyweds is bad form." He said quietly.

Because they would leave, whether it was to go on a honeymoon or just to go back to their home, it would be to consummate their marriage. He could easily imagine it, the pleasure that came with making love to the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. The intensity, the bliss…the passion.

Roy thought it would be best not to imagine it, picturing Edward in that scenario made his stomach feel weighted and cold.

Riza crossed her legs and regarded Roy with a smile,

"I don't think they'd mind, I'm sure they'd understand, considering you came straight here from the North, that was two days of travel, sir." She reasoned and sipped her own champagne, her cheeks were a little rosy and she was probably pleasantly tipsy, but still so eloquent and refined.

He assumed most of the guests were all a bit tipsy by that point.

Roy only wished he were, but he wouldn't drink, not in his frame of mind, not at Edward's wedding.

He felt it would be too risky. Alcohol and a depressive state of mind did not go well together.

His gaze drifted around the reception again but inevitably settled back on the main table,

"I'm sure they would…" he said in answer and just then Edward had glanced around and seen him looking.

The blonde smiled at him winningly, a smile that said _'_ can you believe it, Mustang, I'm fucking married! _'_ and because Roy was nothing if not good at his pretense of neutrality and emotional control, he smiled back, a smile that said 'congratulations' as he raised his untouched champagne and thought forlornly, _'…cheers darling'_.

Edward did likewise with his glass before his attention was snatched away from Roy by his sister in law, she seemed insistent about him getting up as she smiled and pointed to the dance floor.

Roy's gaze followed her direction to see that she wanted to dance, since Alphonse was dancing with Winry, she wanted to dance with him. Sisters and brothers in law, dancing. It was touching.

Roy noticed that Riza was smiling softly as she also watched the couples, Mei had Ed in hand now and they'd arrived on the dance floor. The Xingese princess looked lovely in the blue and white bridesmaid dress she wore and she seemed comfortable dancing with Edward, just as Alphonse looked with Winry.

Roy's attention diverted when Alphonse's three year old son ran by the table with a few of the other smaller children, playing tag or something of the like. He was an astute young lad, unsurprisingly, with golden eyes and dark blonde hair. He had bumped into Roy's leg earlier and he had excused himself politely, like father like son, before continuing on his way in his tiny little suit, he'd still been carrying the pillow the rings had been on.

Roy had only read in a letter from Ed about his 'adorable, awesome nephew', but seeing him was more significant, it brought a smile to Roy's face.

It would seem that over the years, Edward had established a new family…and they were close knit, loving and happy, just like Edward and Alphonse deserved.

But how had Roy missed it happening? Hadn't Ed been travelling, never settling, always eager to see and learn and live on the edge…when had he become part of a whole family? Perhaps Roy hadn't been paying close enough attention, or he wouldn't have let Ed slip through his fingers without so much as a chance to be a part of his family.

To be close to him. Intimate with him.

He'd live with that regret forever.

Roy returned his gaze to the dancing couples, he watched Ed twirl his sister-in-law out and in again in time with the medium tempo music and Mei was smiling as she followed his lead, just then Alphonse bowed out of his dance with Winry in his gentlemanly way and she curtsied playfully with a fond smile at the younger Elric, and then they swapped partners and both young women were wrapping their arms around their respective husband's necks and falling into step and Edward's hands were gliding down the curve of Winry's back to settle on her waist…

Roy no longer wanted to watch.

"Would you like to dance, Riza?" Roy asked, she had been content to watch all the while but she smiled at him warmly when he offered using her first name instead of her rank,

"Yes, I would, Roy." She responded.

So he took her hand in his, it looked natural but felt defect to him, and he walked her to the dance floor, bringing her in to him appropriately close before he took her hand in one of his own and settled the other at high arch of her back lightly as they danced smoothly to the tempo of the music.

He let himself enjoy the pleasant moment as much as he could.

As the song came to an end and another started up, Roy found that they had danced themselves nearer to the newlyweds and when Winry smiled at them, Riza did a terrible thing, she separated from him and smiled at Winry,

"A dance with the Fuhrer for a dance with the groom?" she said in the way Roy rarely saw, playful and social.

Winry responded just as playfully,

"A dance with the Fuhrer, hm," she looked at her husband and separated from him with a kittenish grin, her hands running down his suit jacket over his chest, "Sorry Ed, I can't turn down a chance like this." She teased.

Edward was smiling as he rolled his eyes at his new wife and then he bowed slightly to Hawkeye, being gallant and pulling it off as Roy tried not to stare at him, Ed extended his hand to Riza,

"Shall we?" he asked with a handsome smile and Riza smiled at him and took his hand.

As Roy began to dance with Winry, Ed gave him a jesting look and raised an eyebrow, he looked devilishly handsome and young and he truly was striking under the fairy lights and in that fitted suit,

"Don't get handsy, Mustang." It was the first words Ed had said to him all night and he said it whilst smiling and while Winry chuckled and shook her head, Roy gave Edward his best 'Mustang' pretense,

"I wouldn't dream of it." He interjected the right amount of teasing into his tone and Ed's grin turned fond, trusting when all jokes were aside.

Roy's chest warmed.

He couldn't help thinking as he danced with Winry, passing by one of the handful of gay couples at the wedding, that if it were Ed he were dancing with, he would be too tempted to touch.

He had dreamed of that. Many times.

* * *

A half hour later and a few dances had, Roy was able to slip his body guards and get a moment alone, a much needed moment alone.

Having danced with Riza, Winry, Mei, Gracia and a string of other women after that, and one young gentleman, who had wanted to dance with the Fuhrer, Roy really needed to take a break.

He walked away from the lights, music and the people, around the side of the venue building into the back area, where the oak tress rustled quietly from the soft breeze and the moon shone brightly, the only light source. He sighed as his black bangs swayed gently across his forehead and his military uniform hung heavy on his lean frame, his eyes were half lidded, hands tucked into his pockets.

He **was** tired, Riza had been right, but more so, he was emotionally exhausted. Outside he was calm and collected….but inside, he felt empty and hopeless. Since hearing about Ed's upcoming nuptials he'd been considering and reconsidering his own life, his own relationships, or lack thereof. Since he'd become a general first and then the Fuhrer he hadn't cared to really notice anyone in that way, Roy's focus had either been on work or Edward whenever he came around. He'd thought that maybe his disinterest in getting involved seriously, and his mistake of never saying a word to Edward about how he felt, was because he'd never have been able to find the time to be even really be with someone.

But that wasn't entirely true, Roy knew he could've made time…for dinners and rendezvous, for theatre and dates, for kisses and intimacy, for romance and a relationship.

He could hear the music playing softly and there was distant laughter…the clinking of silver wear to glass again. Another kiss. Everyone couldn't get enough of the newlyweds, whereas Roy didn't want to see them kiss ever again, he thought he could even do without hearing Winry's name, especially not if it were ever to be spoken from Ed's lips, and he didn't want to see them hold one another, or smile at one another.

He was happy for them though, on the surface, but deep down he felt he could make Edward even happier. Roy really couldn't be bitter, for they deserved happiness, but he could be jealous and he was, because he wanted their happiness, more specifically, he wanted _her_ happiness with _him_. He wanted what Winry had with Ed, specifically.

Foolish thoughts. But Roy would forever think about it, about what could have been. He'd been a friend to Edward for years now, but what else could he have been, how did Ed even see him? He should have asked 'what am I to you?' on one those rare occasions when they'd been alone sharing comfortably silences and expensive whiskey and maybe Edward would have answered, but if he had what would he have said…and would he have had the look on his face that Roy had never been able to place.

That **look** that Roy had never been confident enough to ask about, there had been affection in those looks, trust and respect and endearment and whether Roy imagined the look or not, he knew for a fact that sometimes Edward would stand or sit a bit closer to him than was necessary when they'd talked.

But was he reading more into it because he wanted to? Was Edward just that comfortable around him, or was there more? Had there been hints that he'd missed because he'd never been able to work up the nerve to…

"Here you are." Ed's voice.

Roy suppressed a shiver and a sigh and clenched his fists inside his pockets, but on the outside he remained completely neutral and calm as he glanced over his shoulder at the approaching blonde,

"Were you looking for me?" he asked pointlessly, because Ed had implied as much.

But what more was there for him to do but fill the silences so that he didn't stare at the handsome younger man?

A new song started up then and the sound carried over in the quiet, a flute melody, a lulling guitar tune, the smooth sound of the cello and a piano…

Edward came to stand beside him…just a little closer than was necessary…their shoulders almost touching, elbows brushing as their hands were both buried in their pockets.

Roy's mouth felt dry and his chest hollow, he could have really used a drink.

"Yeah, I didn't get a chance to talk to you at all, sorry about that, it's been crazy." Edward said with a smile, he'd matured finely over the years, he'd really grown into himself with grace and now, aside from being a well-rounded young man, he was an exquisite sight worth thousands of words and feelings for Roy…and undoubtedly for Winry as well.

Roy reminded himself not to stare even as he did, and he noticed Ed looked weary, it had probably been a long day for him, but it was a good kind of weariness, a satisfied, happy kind of tired and Roy's eyes lingered on his gently curving lips as his smile remained,

"It's perfectly understandable." He dismissed the apology; he didn't want Ed to feel obligated to talk to him just because he was the Fuhrer attending a small wedding in the country, as most people seemed to feel.

Moreover, he hoped Ed wasn't only talking to him for that reason, he hoped Ed had wanted to speak with him because they were…friends. He supposed he just wanted Ed to want to speak to him in general.

How sad.

He felt so empty. Roy held back another sigh as he drew his gaze from Ed just before the blonde looked at him and Roy looked up into the sky. Ed spoke then,

"I was surprised that you made it, I heard you were up North just two days ago." Ed said quietly as he brought a hand up to loosen the knot of his tie just a fraction. He'd removed his jacket at some point, leaving him in his waist coat and tie over his shirt and the silk material caught the moonlight softly, just as Edward's golden eyes did.

Roy raised his eyebrows, feigning insouciance,

"I came straight here from the North actually," from one train to another and hadn't slept much, "I thought I would be late actually because I had to stop at a hotel to clean up and dress."

Ed raised his eyebrows as well and then that fond look came over his face again and Roy's heartbeat sped up momentarily,

"Thanks, it means a lot to me that you were able to be here." He said sincerely and it seemed out of place, they hadn't seen each other in months, so why did it matter that Roy had showed up?

But he was happy to hear it though, Ed had really wanted him there after all.

He had to say something, something appropriate and kind and yet still something that the 'Mustang' Ed had endeared himself to would say, so Roy smirked,

"Well, you'll only get married once Ed…hopefully." He added at the end with a slow –tired- wink when Ed looked at him and the blonde smiled, genuine and amused,

"Heh, that's the plan." He responded and Roy's heart felt constricted, because obviously it was the plan.

Roy wanted to say that he hadn't seen it coming, he wanted to ask how long it'd been in the making, to ask why Ed hadn't mentioned it, hadn't given him some kind of warning before he broke his heart. He wanted to know if Ed had been unable to breathe when he realized he loved Winry so much that he'd asked her to be his wife, he wanted to know if Ed's heart squeezed and his stomach felt light whenever she stood close.

He wanted to know what Edward was like when he was in love, when he was intimate.

Roy felt those things when he thought about Edward, was it the same for Ed and Winry? If it wasn't then it wasn't right, it wasn't where Ed belonged. But he couldn't ask…

Roy wished he had said something, then maybe he would have had the chance to show Ed love the way Roy would give it, in its entirety. Now he never would. If only he had said something. Maybe it could have been different.

That time he couldn't help the heart sore sigh he let out and Edward tilted his head to look at him, stepping so he was standing in front of Roy and not standing beside him…just a little too close. Roy wished he knew why Ed did that. Did Ed not realize that the tips of his dress shoes were almost touching Roy's boot tips? Was the proximity truly an unconscious action?

"You look tired, Mustang." Always Mustang, Ed had never called him by his name. He only wished he could have heard his name from those lips, in many scenarios.

He wished for so many things from Edward, but would have none of them. Roy supposed that having become Fuhrer should have been his wish come true. But that was not the same things as having the lover he so dearly desired, it was not as fulfilling either, it never would be.

He probably looked physically tired, he acknowledged now, not just emotionally, since Ed had noticed.

He thought it was best to change the subject,

"You look very handsome…" he pressed the edges of his teeth together in a forced smile once he realized what he'd said in pure honesty from looking at Edward and he quickly amended, "…which is good, because your bride looks absolutely beautiful and you needed to do her justice."

Edward grinned and he glanced at himself, keeping his hands in his pockets,

"Yeah I know right, she looks so fucking amazing…" he sounded horribly sincere and Roy just felt horrible, "…I asked Al to help me find a good suit for myself and the groomsmen, since you know, I don't have much experience with dressing all formal." He admitted, bringing a hand out of his pocket to pat at his tie.

Roy nodded, thinking of Ed's two groomsmen that Roy didn't know and his brother, his best man,

"Well, Alphonse has good taste."

Ed nodded with another bright grin,

"I **know** , it's like he just knew what would make the guys look great, he's awesome…" he sighed happily and then pinned Roy with a sheepish look which was so unlike him, Roy blinked in confusion before Ed spoke again, "…you know, I wanted to ask you and Ling to be a part of the wedding…" he looked a little down now and Roy frowned, "…to be my groomsmen, but I couldn't…I mean, you're the Fuhrer and he's an Emperor and shit, you know, I just couldn't…" he shook his head, his tone implying that he'd have been expecting a 'no'.

Roy's chest warmed again and he laughed softly, wanting to reach out and touch Edward but keeping his hands firmly in his pockets, fists clenched,

"You could have…" he said quietly, and he knew he would have said yes, even though he wouldn't have wanted to because it was hard enough just being a guest.

Ed looked surprised,

"Yeah? You would have done it?"

Roy nodded subtly,

"Of course, I would have been honored."

Ed looked really surprised now and then disappointed,

"Ah shit, honored, whatever…" he mumbled, looking self-conscious, then half sighed and half laughed, "…man, I should have asked. Woulda' been really great having you up there." He said it very sincerely, looking straight at Roy, who had to struggle to keep any affectionate words from slipping out. Words that would make up heartfelt sentences like 'You look perfect' and 'I love seeing you smile' and 'You're impossible to say no to' and all manner of unsorted things that came to Roy's mind in that moment.

Instead he stayed on topic,

"You could have asked Ling too." His voice came out a little raspy but Ed didn't seem to notice.

"Nah, after he said he'd do his best to make it, I knew he couldn't so I didn't ask anything else, I mean, he's in another country and he has all that stuff going on, can't really expect him to drop it all to be here." He shrugged.

Roy envied Ling for being in another country, if Roy had been he would have been spared the ache in his chest whenever he had to watch Ed kiss Winry.

"But he sent a letter of apology, it arrived a few days ago and it said he would make it up to us." Ed added with a smile.

Roy forgot to stop himself from sighing forlornly and staring as he looked over Edward's attractive moonlit countenance and thought of leaning closer, close enough to…

He remembered himself when Ed frowned,

"Are you okay, you seem kind of unfocused." He was observant, always had been and Roy tried to shrug it off.

"I'm alright." He lied with a small smile but Ed didn't look convinced, he saw through it.

"Something going on?" he enquired.

"No really, I'm fine." Roy lied again, his voice slightly tense, he hoped that time Ed would leave it alone.

Alone.

They were alone. One of the rare times over the many years.

But not really, since at the front of the venue were many people, but in that specific place, in the mostly dark back yard area, next to a dark line of trees and standing a little too close, they were alone.

Roy thought of all of his missed opportunities with a well of deep regret in his chest.

"You used to be a better liar, something's wrong." Ed informed as his eyes searched Roy's face.

Ed shouldn't look at him that way.

Roy couldn't help the short, insincere laugh that he let out and it made Ed frown again,

"Don't let it worry you." He said quietly, his eyes roving over Ed's face carefully.

He shouldn't be looking at Ed that way.

The wind picked up then, more brusque than before and their hair swayed, Ed's long ponytail swung lightly, and while Roy absently thought that the weather might change after all, he tried not to think of how gorgeous Edward looked.

And then Roy found himself thinking that this would be another moment in his life he'd think back on with regret, because he wanted to tell Ed what was wrong, but how could he do that?

It was Ed's wedding day. And the news would probably be received negatively. It was too ill timed and going forward, there would never be a good time or a right time ever again.

Roy felt like he needed a cigarette, he only ever smoked when he was stressed out and only in the last year, but sometimes he just needed it. To calm his nerves, to quell a craving…

He licked his lips.

Ed continued to watch him.

The music and the noise of people enjoying themselves seemed quieter then and Ed looked resigned now that he wasn't going to get an answer,

"Fine, I'm gonna head back then…" he mumbled and he looked straight into Roy's eyes, sincere and bright, "…thanks for coming Mustang, I guess I'll see you again sometime…"

Sometime. Months. Maybe years now that he was married and would be settling down. There'd be a house and children of his own and domesticity and Roy could feel the hollowness and hopelessness filling his chest rapidly.

This was it. It was over. **It,** something that had never existed to begin with. Because he'd been too cowardly.

Roy would be forever wondering if he'd missed his chance, if he'd overlooked mutual attraction in Ed's unreadable looks, if he might have been **with** Edward all this time if he'd **only**...

Now he would be forced to live with 'what if's' and 'maybes'.

Roy did it before he could stop himself, before he'd really realized what he was going to do.

He raised his hand and cupped the side of Edward's face, his thumb brushing Ed's ear and the soft strands of his golden hair and he held firmer when the blonde looked at him questioningly, tensing as he glanced from Roy's face to where his hand had been placed.

Disregarding that look Roy leaned in and drew Ed forward with the hand holding his face, there was little resistance and Roy's fingers partially cradled the back of the blonde's head as he pressed his lips to Edward's soundly. His lips were as soft as Roy had imagined and Ed's quick exhale of breath through his nose was enticing.

Roy raised his other hand to hold the other side of Ed's face as he proceeded to kiss Edward's lips, one and twice and few times more, his eyebrows drawing together as his emotions overwhelmed him and the blonde began to reciprocate, kissing him back a few times before parting his lips.

There would be no sensation to match the feeling of being able to kiss Edward, tasting cake icing and smelling his cologne and Winry's perfume, feeling Ed's breath quicken as he kissed back and one of them shivered, Roy knew it was probably himself.

Nothing could be as fulfilling as finally having what he desired.

Drawing back from the kiss, Roy held his breath when Edward looked at him with wide golden eyes, his lips slightly moist and a frown forming on his brow,

"Roy?" he said in a tone of question.

But Edward never used his first name, ever.

"Mustang?" Ed's voice was firmer, clearer, "Hey, are you listening?"

Roy blinked several times, pulling his mind back from its slip to find Edward frowning at him with concern and he realized there was no moisture on Ed's lips and there was no taste of cake icing in his own mouth and Edward was breathing normally with his hands still in his pockets.

Of course. He'd imagined it, he realized this with some self-loathing.

Roy would never have actually kissed Edward, he'd never had the nerve to do it before, where would he find it now, on Edward's wedding day of all times and places?

No, any chance he'd ever had, had gone the second Edward said 'I do'…probably even before that, whenever it was he'd become involved with Winry.

"I apologize, I must be really tired." He said short on breath and took a step back from the blonde, feeling slightly disoriented and thinking perhaps he did need a few hours of sleep, "You should get back, Winry must to wondering where you are." Roy managed to say her name without any intonation of his aching feelings.

"Yeah." Ed agreed, still looking worried, "Come back with me, I don't want you passing out back here or something." Ed managed to sound both irritated with him and sincerely concerned, which was so like him, Roy couldn't help smiling, if a bit sadly.

Ed's frown eased and he smiled back in that fond way as he raised a hand and grabbed Roy's shoulder firmly, the touch burned, and pushed him gently to start walking as Ed did.

As they fell into step together, Edward moved his right hand, flesh and bone, to Roy's opposite shoulder, so that his arm was around Roy's shoulders, something he could do easily now that he'd grown to be Roy's height, and he patted his hand there,

"So what did you buy as a wedding gift, something expensive right, since your loaded now?" Ed asked in an amused tone while grinning.

Roy wondered if Ed thought he was holding him up from collapsing, it seemed likely.

He exhaled a laugh as he tried to ignore the firm line of Ed's body against his side, his hands were still in his pockets but he'd shifted his elbow to accommodate Edward as they walked, as if he enjoyed torturing himself.

He had to clear his throat before he spoke; it was so dry and tense,

"Well yes actually, as a personal gift I bought a large painting of the waterfalls in Aerugo, from when I was there a month ago." Ed looked suitably impressed and Roy committed to memory the lines and angles of Edward's attractive face and the way his bangs fell against his cheek and grazed the side of his neck lightly, "and…" he had to clear his throat again, "…as a house gift, I purchased the latest washer, dryer model, but that will only be delivered in a few days from the South."

They were around the side of the building now and the noise level was increasing,

"Damn, that's a great gift and all…but it's kind of sexist isn't it?" Ed asked him.

Roy raised an eyebrow and avoided looking into Ed's face for his own sake and his aching chest,

"How's so?"

"Buying Winry a washing machine, it's like…sexist." Ed said as if that made sense and Roy's stomach felt weighted and cold at hearing her name spoken from Ed's mouth, as he'd dreaded, it was said with a clear inflection of affection.

But he had to keep being 'Mustang', he had to say the kinds of things that was expected of him, so he stretched his mouth into a grin and forced himself to glance at Ed as they walked into the greater reception area and a few people looked their way, including Roy's bodyguards,

"I didn't realize that Winry was the only one out of the two of you who would be doing laundry, Edward," and Roy couldn't keep the inflection of affection out of his voice when he said Ed's name, "if you ask me, that's sexist."

Edward opened his mouth to say something as he removed his arm from around Roy's shoulders and Roy forced himself not to stare, lest his mind conjure up any more inappropriate, untimely fantasies.

"Shit…" Ed settled on and huffed out, "…you're right." He glanced worriedly around and rubbed the back of his neck, "Don't tell Winry I said that, okay." He said in a conspiring tone and Roy managed a look that conveyed his promise to keep it to himself.

And Edward's gaze softened and his lips curved into an attractive and endearing smile and Roy's heart felt like it was melting.

And then Ed nodded and he walked away…winding through the crowd until he'd reached Winry where she stood talking to a few guests. Roy watched as Edward slipped his arms around her waist and buried his face in her neck and she smiled and laughed and leaned into him when he lifted her off the ground. Her long dress hitched up from his arms circled around her waist, just enough that her bare feet were visible, she'd removed her heels at some point. Roy saw her toes curl in delight, her legs drawing up slightly, as Ed assaulted her neck and shoulder with kisses.

Roy swallowed thickly, standing at the edge of the reception with his heart beating too slowly and his breath stuck in his lungs and thinking that maybe, just maybe…he never stood a chance…

He watched Edward set her down and she turned to face him in the circle of his arms before he lifted her again so she could wrap her arms around his neck, he kissed her with a smile, and she pressed close to him and bent her legs up again, crossing her ankles and leaning into him completely, her full weight comfortably supported by Edward who was easily strong enough to hold her up.

The guests watched on with smiles of approval.

Alphonse looked so happy for them, Mei as well.

Pinako had unshed tears in her eyes.

Gracia was tearing up.

Because they fit so well.

Winry was so exultant to have Edward in her life and vice versa and Roy was so jealous it was ugly.

He trailed his eyes over Ed's lean frame as the blonde held her, he looked at the tight hold Ed's arms formed around her waist and how he was keeping her close against him, he looked at how Ed was smiling against her lips…right before Ed kissed her again…properly.

Roy hadn't wanted to see that, he'd been looking away all night, every time he'd thought he'd seen it about to happen. But he hadn't looked away right then and he watched Ed kiss his wife, their lips parting and molding together briefly and the again several times…

The guests were politely looking away and when his eyes burned Roy turned away as well.

Roy set his face in its usual façade of calm detachment and made his way back to his designated table, on the way he had passed Jean so he'd asked him for a cigarette and received a slightly squashed packet in his hand without question. Once he was seated again, beside his untouched glass of warm champagne and his body guards had come over to stand just behind him, he touched his hands together quietly and then lightly snapped his fingers together to make a small flame.

Roy lit the cigarette and inhaled from it deeply, tuning everyone out as his eyes settled on the object of his desire, his love, his affections, Edward Elric, happy and married and so close yet completely out of his reach. The music droned on, the smooth rising and falling of keys and notes and strings, along with the din of the function and the fairy lights seemed a bit too bright and Roy remembered to breathe only when the smoke burned his nose and lungs, and as he exhaled the thick white smoke he found himself thinking the very thing he'd spend the rest of his life thinking...about all of those missed opportunities…and…

 _'…_ _I should have kissed you…'_

* * *


End file.
